There’s something special about romantic love. Romantic love requires a deeper level of intimacy which also translates to a deeper level of vulnerability. There’s just a little bit more at stake when it comes to romantic love versus familial or friendship love. There’s the obvious sexual intimacy that is unique to romantic relationships that exposes us physically and emotionally to the person that we are with. And when living with someone that we are in a relationship with, such as in marriage, we are stepping into the intimate moments that come with daily life that can’t be hidden behind closed doors. Whether we are sick or healthy, happy or depressed, at peace or anxious, calm or angry, our significant other is there to witness it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly. But that’s only if we are in a relationship where we can be authentically ourselves, without fear of rejection, indifference, or contempt from our partner.
I wonder how many divorces are actually a result of people waking up one day and realizing that they were never able to truly be themselves in that relationship. Or maybe they knew all along, deep down, but finally found the strength to face the truth and make a change. Sometimes we stay and we try, because we are looking for that love and acceptance, waiting for it to come, hoping for the day when our heart can rest easy. But the years pass, and we remain tangled up, twisted and turned around. We don’t know how to get where we wanna be. We don’t know how to make sense of the wasted years, the lost time. But most of all, we don’t know how to find the self that got lost in translation. We thought it was love, but if we couldn’t be the truest version of ourselves, was it ever really love? If we have to censor our thoughts and feelings, wants and needs, how can we ever be vulnerable enough to find the love we are looking for? If we can’t be authentic, how do we even reach that deeper level of intimacy that romantic love requires?
I think the relationships that have the best chance of lasting are the ones where two people who know exactly who they are and are not, come together to share a life. I think the relationships that are the most satisfying are the ones where both people can be honest, vulnerable, and willing to take the risk to truly be seen. If one person is hiding behind a wall, or shape shifting to fit the other person’s expectations, that relationship is likely to deteriorate at some point. Relationships are hard enough when both people are being honest, real and genuine. But if two people are trying to build a relationship based on smoke and mirrors, it’s going to feel impossible to be together for the long haul.
There are so many reasons we can find ourselves in these types of shallow, limiting relationships. It could be that some dynamic from our childhood makes this kind of relationship feel familiar and we don’t realize there’s something different out there. It could be that we were burned so badly in a past relationship and we’ve convinced ourselves to never open up to that kind of hurt again. Or maybe we need to work on our self-esteem and self-worth in order to truly believe we deserve the kind of love that accepts us just as we are.
I’ve been in relationships where I’ve tried to be what I thought the other person wanted me to be. I’ve censored, suppressed, and shrank myself all in the name of love. But now I know that was never love. That was me trying to gain acceptance and validation from people who could never give it to me. I’ve also been in relationships where I’ve laid myself bare, flaws and all, and took the risk to be seen, only to watch people walk away. Those were painful experiences, but I’ve learned there’s more freedom in being authentically me and being rejected, than putting on a facade for others and being accepted. Because outward acceptance never leads to inner peace. That inner peace only comes from knowing who you are, what you want, and what you value, and honoring those things always. And when you have two people who are at peace and honor themselves, you have two people who are ready for that deeper level of connection that comes with romantic love. They’ll be ready to be vulnerable, transparent and intimate, but also ready to walk away if their whole self is not allowed space in the relationship. And I think that’s the key when it comes to a love worth waiting for. It’s the one that invites all of you in, embraces your light and dark parts, your strengths and weaknesses, your quirks, and all the things that make you uniquely you.
It’s not about waiting for the person with the best looks, the most money, or the most success. It’s not about waiting for the person with the most charisma or influence. It’s not about waiting for the person who will shower you with gifts or give you an extravagant life. It’s not even about waiting for someone who will compliment you and build up your ego.
It’s about waiting for the person who has the strength of character to see you, to know you, and to love you in spite of yourself. It’s about waiting for the person who has the emotional depth to let themselves be seen, to be known and to be loved in spite of themselves. The love worth waiting for is the one that has no secrets, no hidden parts, no questions and no confusion. The love worth waiting for is the one that is certain, clear, open and always has an answer. The love worth waiting for always says “yes.” Yes to you, yes to the relationship, and yes to the future. When a love is worth the wait you will know and there will be no room for doubt. Whether you are waiting for that love or have already found it, always remember to:
Love yourself. Be true to yourself. Know your worth. Expect and accept only the best. Repeat.
Flawless ❤