Here’s what I know intellectually: I need to trust God not just in the good times, but in the trying times too. In the good times, it’s easy to trust God. It’s easy to praise and worship Him. Not so much in the trying times. When I’m faced with challenges, trials, pain and suffering, it is simple to know I should trust God, but it is much harder to actually do it. It is hard to believe that it will all work out in the end, that God will bring me through, and that something good will come, when I’m in the darkness and unable to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
It’s sooo hard for me to sit still, not try to take control, not do something to try to get out of the tribulation I am experiencing. And this is what trusting God is. It is being still. It is tapping into the peace within rather than the chaos without. It is refraining from taking some action that God has not asked us to take. It is resisting the urge to think we know better than the Creator of the universe and that we can somehow be more successful in solving the problem than Him. Trusting God is patiently waiting, no matter how long it takes, for God to move in the situation. It is waiting expectantly, no matter how long it takes, for a breakthrough and for God’s deliverance. It is waiting with a firm belief that God will vindicate you, heal you, strengthen you, transform you, promote you, prosper you, or whatever thing is waiting on the other side of the trial.
But trusting God through challenging times also means enduring through pain, uncomfortable feelings, distressing situations, attacks from the enemy, unrelenting pressure, and soul crushing stress. Yes, sometimes we are in the midst of a storm, and we feel that overwhelming peace that surpasses all understanding. We know we should be unhinged, but we’re not. We know we should be worried, but we’re not. Sometimes, that kind of peace comes and settles over us. Sometimes God knows we need that to get through. But other times the peace is fleeting, difficult to find and harder to feel. Will we still trust God then? Will we doubt His goodness when we don’t feel so good? Will we doubt His power when He doesn’t immediately change our situation? Will we doubt God’s promises when they don’t come on our own timetable? Will we doubt His ability to heal when we are still sick and in pain? Will we doubt in His light and love when we are surrounded by the darkness?
Let me tell you that this has been my struggle. It’s hard to trust God when doubts start to creep in. Through the ups and downs of life, I know that God is good. But I’ve noticed that I really only act like God is good during the ups. In the more difficult moments of life, it has been harder for me to transfer this knowledge from my mind to my heart and soul and to really, truly trust God with my hands completely off the wheel and my feet off the pedals. See trusting is easy to do when everything’s going fine. It’s easy to be on cruise control when the road is flat and there are no other cars in sight. But what about when the road is windy and cars are driving erratically around me? Then it’s much harder to resist the urge to take back control. Of course, in a car, that makes sense. But I do that in life with God. I trust and have faith in Him when life feels like it’s on cruise control. But as soon as life gets bumpy, I tell myself I trust God, all the while I’m reaching for the steering wheel, the gas or the brakes. Some attempt to take back a little control so I can ease my fears and worries. But this is not what it looks like to fully trust God, and lately I feel like I need to do better. Because you know sometimes I do let God guide me, but I still try to control the pace, either flooring the gas pedal to speed up or slamming on the brakes to slow down. Or I allow God to set the pace but I still try to control the direction I’m going in.
So I’m working on surrendering control of both the direction and pace of my life completely to God. In those times of trouble, I’m working on keeping focused on God and not the turmoil around or even within me. To do that I am trying to do something my pastor said recently at church that really spoke to me. I am trying to retrain my mind to stop thinking about my circumstances and instead keep my mind set on the JOY before me. For every battle I face, for every attack of the enemy, for every trial or tribulation, there is something on the other side. There is an opportunity, an open door, a victory, a breakthrough, a healing, a purpose for the pain. When I get caught up in my difficult circumstances I stay there, but when I look ahead to the victory God is sure to bring, I can withstand the pain and the suffering, I can stand my ground and continue to fight, rather than being crushed by the weight of it all and giving up.
When I look to the JOY before me, I can endure through anything, trusting that God will pull me through. I can overcome anything, knowing that God has a plan and a purpose for me, and that He will work all things for my good. God will work all things together for good. Not God and me. He doesn’t need my help, my meddling, my suggestions, or anything else that I can only do in my own power. He needs me to surrender control and trust Him completely, so that the Holy Spirit can work through me and strengthen me through His power. It should be a more simple process but for me it all comes down to control. I struggle to give it up. It is so, so scary for me to not be in control. It is so, so hard for me to live in the unknown.
But I want to be obedient and trust God so I am trying to push through the fear, sit on my hands if I need to, and resist the urge to DO something, when I know that I need to just be still and let God work. It’s so easy for me to get it intellectually, but in my heart and soul it’s a struggle to walk this out. But I’ll keep trying. No matter how difficult, uncomfortable or painful it is to surrender control, I will keep trying, because until I do, I will not be able to say I truly trust God in every situation, good or bad. Until I give up control and trust God completely, I will not be able to walk the path He has for me. I will remain stagnant in difficult situations, trying to solve problems that God never asked me to solve. I will remain stuck in my circumstances, limited to what I can do, when leaning on God would accomplish so much more.
I am learning now to take my eyes off my circumstances and look ahead to where God is taking me. I am learning to not get stuck on what is, but to be expectant of what is coming. I am keeping my mind set on the JOY before me: God is delivering me. God is healing me. God is blessing me. God is making a way. God is taking me to another level. And I believe God will get me to where He wants me to be a whole lot faster if I stop grabbing the wheel or slamming the brakes. When I trust God, I have to do it completely, and maybe I have to do it scared too. Maybe I have to stop telling myself that I shouldn’t be afraid because God is in control. Maybe I need to acknowledge that I am afraid or worried, but I am going to trust God anyway. Maybe I need to acknowledge that not knowing how something will turn out fills me with anxiety and dread, but I can trust God anyway. Maybe I need to acknowledge that not having control makes me feel vulnerable and exposed, but I will trust God anyway.
Yes, I can trust God through the good times. But the true
test is trusting Him through the times that try my soul, the times that feel
like they will break me. I’ve actually gotten better about praising and
worshipping God through the tough times. But thoroughly trusting God? I know I
can do better. I know it needs to become more than head knowledge and permeate
every part of my being. I need to trust God so that I have a firmer foundation
in Him and so He can get me where He needs me. I’ll keep going until I get it
right. One painful baby step at a time, until I reach that place of JOY that
the Lord has set before me.