Love. It’s a hard thing to pin down. I’ll confess, I think about it a lot. As a 40 year-old single woman who’s never been married, it kind of stays on my mind. Not always in the forefront or in a dominant kind of way, but as this undercurrent that’s always there, just below the surface. A feeling that I have not quite attained it, this ideal of love.
This ideal of romantic love permeates every fabric of our society. In movies, tv shows, songs, magazines, books, and advertisements. It seeps into our personal lives. Sitting around the Thanksgiving table and at other family gatherings. Unsolicited dating advice. Questions about why you’re single, why you haven’t settled down. Questions that may be well intentioned but become like salt on an already tender wound. Questions that send the message that if you’re not in a relationship, you’re lacking something. I never knew how to respond before, but now I do.
My response is that I’m lacking nothing, my life is full of love. Love from family and friends. Love from my niece and nephew. Love from my students. Love from God. Sometimes, love even comes from strangers. At the end of the day, I believe that love is just about connection. Every time I connect with someone there is love. Every time I open my heart and share what’s inside, there is love. Love does not have to be a big, grand, romantic thing. Love is in deep conversations. Love is in a simple touch, a warm embrace. Love is in laughter, souls connecting with joy. Love is walking alongside another, being present and showing up. Everyday I see more and more evidence of love in my life.
Yes, it’s true that I desire a love that’s only between a husband and wife. I cannot say that that desire will ever go away completely. It may always be there, an undercurrent in my life. I may always long for that romantic love, but I do not know what the future holds. I do not know when or if, or where, or how it will happen. But I know it’s not something to strive for anymore. It’s not something to attain. I already have it, this ideal of love. I have it all around me if I choose to look. If I choose to accept it in the many forms in which it comes.
When I find myself longing for a person to share my life with, I remind myself that I already share it with so many. So many wonderful, beautiful and amazing people. And if there’s something for me to strive for, it’s to become more like love. To become a person who loves better. To be more connected, more present, more open. To be more focused on the love that is already there and less focused on the one that’s missing.
Yes, I think about love a lot. And maybe that’s the problem. Love is an action, more than a thought. So maybe I’ll do a little less thinking about love and a little more doing. When it’s all said and done I hope my life can be a testament to the fact that love is always there. Single, married, divorced, separated, widowed. Love does not depend on status. Love depends on me. It is my choice to receive the love being given, whatever love that may be. And it is my choice to return the love that is being given. Love is a hard thing to pin down. Maybe, like me, you need to stop wrestling with it. Just embrace it and revel in the blessings love brings.