On Faith- Faith For the Here and Now

If you asked me 6 months ago if I would still be at my current job now, I would have said it’s possible but not likely. If you had asked me 6 months ago if I would be returning to my current job next year, I would have said no way, no how, not a chance! The last time I wrote about faith was back in July, just a few weeks before I accepted my current teaching position. Well, let me just tell you that God put my faith to the test. 

I had left the charter high school where I had worked for 3 years as an Education Specialist. I was applying in various school districts and got an interview with, from what I knew to be, a well-respected and fairly high achieving school district. I was offered a position as a resource specialist at an elementary school. This was a position I had been interested in for a while and I was looking to work with younger students again, so I gladly accepted the offer. The pay was good and the commute wasn’t too bad, so I thought, here comes my dream job. But it was anything but dreamy. 

The first whammy came when I found out that I would be at the only title 1 school in the district. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing inherently wrong with that. However, all of my previous teaching experience had been in title 1 (under resourced) schools and based on the district I was entering, I was expecting something quite different. But I made peace with this unexpected turn of events and kept it moving. I moved on to whammy after whammy. I entered a new position and new district with minimal to no support. The school psychologist, who would have been my main point person, was out for 3 months. I had avoidable conflicts with people simply due to a lack of direction and communication. I had to learn a new IEP software with minimal training. I set up a classroom with minimal supplies and no teacher budget. I floundered and I stumbled and I bumbled through each day. 

I HATED it. I DREADED going to work in the morning. I would come home from work and check open positions on Edjoin- the closest I’ve ever come to quitting a teaching job mid-year. As things became more and more unbearable, I prayed and prayed and prayed. I prayed for God to make a way out for me. Leaving a teaching job in the middle of the year is not an easy thing. If I wanted to get out of my contract, the district would have to release me, and they weren’t likely to do that with the current teacher shortage. I could have left, but wouldn’t have been able to teach anywhere else for the rest of the year. I prayed that if there wasn’t a way out, that God would improve my conditions at work. That he would intervene and provide me the support and guidance I needed to do my job well. Really, I was just looking for God to help me make it through the school year. 

I can’t say that things improved right away, but they did gradually get better. I expressed my concerns to my principal and she stepped up to support me in ways that she could. I was connected with a retired resource specialist in the district who was working part time to support new teachers in the role. My amazing sister in law coordinated a wish list for supplies that she shared with her church. They generously provided all that I asked for! Things smoothed out a bit when the school psychologist returned in December. Since then, there have continued to be bumps in the road, but God continues to see me through them. 

I’m reflecting on all of this now because I realize that sometimes I get caught up in the faith that is about trusting God to provide for some future event. I find myself believing and trusting that God will make a way out, or that he will faithfully come through later, when the trial or challenge has passed. What I learned this year, what I lived this year, is the faith that is about trusting God to provide right in the moment. The faith that fills up the here and now with God’s love, goodness, grace and mercy. This faith trusts that God has a plan and is in control even when the situation is difficult and confusing and feels unbearable. This faith can change a person’s perspective in the midst of suffering, rather than on the other side of it. 

This “in the moment” faith is not easy to cultivate, but it is the faith that brings peace and lessens the stress and anxiety that trials can bring. And it’s the only way I’ve made it this far in this job. I’ve had to trust that God has me here for a reason. I’ve had to believe that God’s hand is in my situation, even though at times I’ve felt that I’ve been forsaken and forgotten. I’ve had to know that I know that I know, that even though it doesn’t make sense to me, God is making sense of it all. When I don’t understand, I can have faith that God does, and that’s all that matters at the end of the day. 

My faith is growing to the place where I can accept what does and doesn’t happen, what comes my way and what passes me by, knowing that God is always guiding me, protecting me and is always walking with me through it all. I am starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, everything is going to be okay. Maybe it’s not going to look like I thought it would, maybe there are going to be bumps in the road and detours, maybe life will never unfold exactly as I want it to. But maybe, despite all of this, everything is going to be okay and I am going to be okay. Because I am okay. After all of the trials in this life and attacks of the devil I’m still here. By the grace of God I’m right where I need to be and headed in the right direction.

I will be returning to my current job next year. I’m settling in for the long haul. I wrestled with God about this job for so long and finally I surrendered. He knows why he has me here and he will let me know when or if a change is necessary. I trust that it’s all coming together for my good and for the glory of the one who made me. And in the meantime, I will rest in my faith, looking for God’s peace in each difficult moment, even when it’s not always easy to find.