About Me

Hi! Welcome to my blog!  My name is Vanessa and I am a few months shy of turning 40.  I am a reformed party girl, recently sober from alcohol, and have somehow morphed from a night owl into an early bird.  I am an introvert, so even though I love my friends and family, I do enjoy my alone time too.  I love music, reading, writing poems, going to comedy shows and spending time outdoors.  I am single, never been married and have never had kids. 

Over the past 10 years I have worked in the field of education.  For 6 years, I was a behavior therapist for children with autism.  I then went on to get my teaching credential and I taught for 5 years at a school in East Palo Alto.  I taught 8^th grade for 4 years and 4^th grade for 1 year.  This past year I have been substitute teaching.  For various reasons, I needed a break from the full-time teaching gig (actually, teaching is more of a full-life job than a full-time one.)  After 5 years of teaching and due to some personal circumstances, I was burned out, depressed, anxious and dealing with some grief.  I had to take a pause, not only from my career but also from life itself. 

I found out about 3 years ago that I likely will never be able to have kids.  I have premature ovarian failure.  This news is what initially sent my life into a tailspin.  It is also what prompted me to get sober and stop drinking alcohol.  As I got sober, I realized there were things from my past, specifically my childhood, that I needed to deal with.  So, I entered into therapy to work on some of my long buried issues.  All of this while teaching in a challenging school where many students were dealing with traumatic experiences of their own.  Needless to say, I was a mess, and looking back now I can see that I was barely functioning.  I needed to stop living to survive and learn how to have a more fulfilling life.  Over the past several years, I have been on a personal journey, one of healing, exploration, transformation and awakening.  I have learned so much about myself in the process.  I have developed a much stronger faith in God and learned to lean on Him and trust Him through everything. 

Romantic relationships have always been difficult for me.  I’ve never been in a healthy one.  I’ve dealt with abusive, manipulative, indifferent, narcissistic, and apathetic men to varying degrees.  I am by no means an expert on love, but I have experienced enough of the bad to know what love is NOT.  In the past 40 years, I’ve been through some things.  There’ve been ups and downs, joy and pain, moments of light and dark. 

This introduction just barely scratches the surface.  I will be sharing more of my experiences and how recently, I’ve come to stand on more stable ground.  I’m still a work in progress but doing so much better than I was even a year ago.  Each time I post, I will share my thoughts and observations about a different topic:  either life, love, or faith.  My thoughts might be reflections or lessons from things in the past, or they might be related to things I’m currently going through.  On occasion, I may share some poems I have written as well.  No matter what I write, I will always be vulnerable and transparent and I hope that I can encourage others along the way.  So please take this journey with me!  I’d love to hear from you in the comments!